the fragments of aged memories

LUST & DUST.

i LOVE this so much.
S$270.
kinda expensive.

the velvet sky starts to rain.
velvet sky miss the company of stars.

i feel so lonely.

living hell...
a hell you never want to be in.
and unfortunately i'm in one.
all you really hope is there someone you can rely on
and leave this place.
one that you can called "backbone".
i'm not sure who is my backbone.
i thought i have one before.
but the insecurance kills me.
those screaming and yelling at home.
is no longer bearable.
endure i did before.
but is all a bullshit.
i have no one to call a family.
is hurts me badly.
but nobody understands.
the feeling i have now is like
a knife pireces into my heart.

tore apart.
breathless.
emotionally drained.
your presence make me feel all of the above.
maybe you should start thinking..
do you understand me....
you have me crying for you.


i gave you all i have
to have the little smile surfaced on your face.
but you seem to appreciate.
you made me feel lost.
do you know...
standing by the shore,
see me struggling in the water
is so unfair.
i really wonder "do you love me?"


meeting you guys have brought quite
a laughter in my life.
thanks shah for being there.
you are a great friend.
i love your company.
you dont stink!
i will always rem those long bus ride,
those smoking break,
those walks,
those laughter and teasing.

had an surgery this morning.
lying on the bed,
i was pushed to an icy cold room.
in there, cold qiver ran down my spine.
nurses hurry their steps, took a leather strap
and tire me to the bed.
scary indeed.
later i was force to breathe in a tube.
and in their count of ten,
i fell asleep.
i didnt know how long i slept,
and what the doctors did to me.
when i wake up, i have a urge to take a look
at my surrounding.
but i cant move at all.
and in seconds, i felt a sharp pain in my mouth.
tears came streaming down my cheeks.
a nurse came along, cover me with a breathing mask.
and again, i fell asleep.
when i woke up is already 4.
i have breathing difficulty.
nurses hurried to calm me down.
after awhile, doctor came to remove all the needles
that going through my my skin.
soon after, i was discharged.
but right now,
who i want to see most is my boyfriend.
however, he wasnt here at all for me.
all his action make me feel that i wasnt impt at all.
speechless and tearful.
just let it go with the flow.

in black and white,
thoughts of uncertainity cast on me.
ups and downs,
coffee and tea,
head and tail.
figurative lanuguage,
a figure of speech.
on the bur ride to work,
i saw a old couple sitting in front of me.
one had a stroke,
the other was old and slow.
but yet, hand in hand,
they help each other up the bus.
sitting behind them,
i felt happy to see sucha scene.
where couple practise their vows.
through thick and thin they stay close.
the everlasting love.
not puppy love.
it really make me wonder,
how wonderful it is to meet
someone like this.
TODAY, the society or
you can say human being have changed.
they start to go for certain things
that money can buy,
and ignore what money cant give.
L-o-v-e.
i hope for a love that envy the people.
the one every women yearn for.
life had been slightly tough.
the usual problems.
devasted i feel.
low esteem for sure.
i hate my body now.
fat and unattractive.
attention lover like me
will die of obese.
trust me that for sure.
work and school had been tough too.
just wanna break free from all this.

the alarm sounded and woke me up
from my unfinshed dream.
without my lens on, blurry vision,
i figured my way to the window.
the morning greet with the scent of
the morning dews.
a great day ahead.
indeed it is a great day.
school was a total madness.
i love CITI,i love my fun-loving classmates.
bob,arzy, nad, nora, chubin and many more.
and so-damn-cool shah.
the "always-late-me" was late for school again.
thanks goodness, they are willing to wait for me.((=
cheers to my new classmates.
had dinner (supper?) with baby @ cine.
the usual place.
and guess who i saw?
someone nobody expected.
but someone that i dont hope to see anymore.
you* caused the hatred to form within me,
the misunderstanding between US.
baby is out at the lan shop with steve and retard!
but i cant take it anymore.
off to bed now!
ENJOY YOUR GAME, LOVES.